I Want to be a Professional Protester

Image from the Economist.

I'm a bit of a rebel. The "Man" can't hold me down. When I drive I speed at 17 km/h over the limit. Slow enough not to get pulled over but fast enough to be fast. When the light turns yellow I go right through unless there are cameras. Sometimes I don't signal my lane changes and when I'm feeling particularly risky I drive while talking on my cell phone.

It was during one of these late night thrill rides that a friend informed me about the protesters at the G20 summit. I was quite frankly surprised that people would be protesting the new Infiniti or the latest drink from Gatorade. I was even more surprised to find out that the G20 was not a new product offering, but was in fact a meeting of the leaders of the 20 biggest economies of the world taking place in London. That's the London in England not in Arkansas. Yeah I had to look on Lycos for that one. He then explained that many of these protesters were professionals.

Pictured is not a meeting of world leaders. It is the INFINITI G20, a Japanese Luxury Car.

That sounds like the greatest job in the world so consider this my application. I'm looking to change jobs. Along with my dangerous driving there are many attributes which would assist in this endeavor. There is the Che Guevara T-Shirt I own like the angry guy in Rage Against The Machine. That guy is always sneering. I shake my fist like an angry old man at teenagers and have a passion for throwing rocks. While I don't have a balaclava I have always wanted to figure out what it is. For some reason I always thought it was a premium Russian vodka or a Greek pastry. Many people have told my head is the perfect shape for wearing a bandanna and like most of the protesters I'm completely ill informed and hate bathing.

How cool would it be to get arrested and get a free room at the London Jail. It's friggin expensive to stay at a hotel there and don't tell me about hostels. I saw a documentary about them once called "Hostel" and while the chicks are smoking, they're freaky.

So count me in if you're a member of a group that isn't too douchey and has a lot of hot chicks. I don't want no "Save the Whales" or "Keep the Planet Green" nonsense. They made me read Moby Dick in high school and that book was stupid. Don't call me Ishmael but call me if you're not a fruit.